J Simens.com

First Impressions vs. Fixing the Bad


How something appears is always a matter of perspective

How something appears is always a matter of perspective

As the author of “Emotional Resilience and the Expat Child“, I have worked with over 8000+ families as they relocate around the world.

The child’s image (social or self) is critical on how successful they will be in the school setting.  It seems like summer holidays just started, but International teachers and students are already heading back to get ready for another school year. What happens if your child starts off the school year in a negative way?

 

Bad raps happen

Getting a bad rap is as easy as one lousy comment made at the wrong time, or not reaching out to the right kids on campus. Sometimes it can be for liking the ‘bad’ teacher. It can be for wearing a weird t-shirt or even not wearing your hair in a style they are used to seeing. Amazing how quickly a community will judge others. Even more amazing how this happens in schools!

Parents can be vital in helping their child learn to negotiate in this important social climate. Not all parents help! Sometimes, parents can do more harm for their child because they are the ones creating the negative feelings, so it goes from the mother or father being pushy to the child being obnoxious in the minds of others in the community. When in fact, the child has not done anything. Don’t set your child up for failure because as a parent you are overstepping your boundaries. As parents, we all want to connect with our child’s teacher, but she doesn’t need a new BFF. Other parents see your interactions, and it might create some negative feelings from other parents as well as the teacher.

 

What parents can do

Change

Change the perception

Using simple language and being truthful. “In the past, my daughter was rude to others, but now she is older she understands how important it is to work together on those joint projects.”  These type of words given to other parents while working on the PTA, or attending school events will help shift the thoughts about your child. But a parent can never take the responsibility of their child’s behavior and fix it.  If your child needs to make an apology, it has to come from your child, not you.

 

Tips for kids

#1 – Search out a child that is well liked and try to see why you are so different. Are you standoffish and he is warm and welcoming – seek to master one skill this ‘expert’ has that you do not.

#2 – Compare yourself to the peer group you would want to be involved with. Do they all wear school colors and you just wear black? Don’t copy them. Most kids want to connect and be part of a group, so acquire some of their articles. If everyone carries a backpack and you still have a roller case for your books and supplies – change. If everyone eats the school lunch, try to give up your homemade brown paper sandwiches.

#3 – Understand the importance of good impressions and see each new situation in a school as new and give it your best shot. Sometimes a change in one class will leak over into other situations you are involved in. With any change, kids and teachers will start seeing you in a new light. You don’t have to be the quiet Freshman you were, or the awkward Sophomore you were – hone your intuitive style and make a new start this year.

 

Tips for Parents

#1 – Do not say to  your child’s teacher, “Must be nice to have had the summer off!” Instead, say something like “I hope you’re refreshed and ready for ten months of go, go, go!” Remember that a lof of teachers spend their summers upgrading their credentials or planning coursework. Keep your passive-aggressive comments to yourself.

#2 – Don’t try to discuss major issues during the drop-off time, instead set up a meeting with the teacher. Major issues need to be brought to the teacher’s attention ASAP such as a death in the family, a divorce or a recent move, but these can be done by email, so the teacher knows the needed information. Let the dust settle at the start of the new school year and then set up an appointment for the minor things you feel the teacher should know about your child. Remember when you are dropping off or picking up your child, the teacher still had 20+ kids that he or she is taking care of so this is not the time to talk.

#3 – Don’t freak out over class placement! Not everbody gets the teacher they “think” they want. Another teacher might bring something unexpected to the table. A child not being with their best friend might open up a whole new world of socialization and skills.

Good thoughts

Notes:
Photo – http://awakentoyourdeeperself.com/healing-limiting-core-beliefs-shifting-perspectives/

5 Simple Ways to Declutter Your Life


Not ever outfit can be worn again and again

Not every outfit can be worn again and again

As I sat on the shores of Lake Tahoe, I realized that some people would have to find storage for their two-foot tall patriotic hats, their rhinestone glitter red, white and blue vests, flag dresses and the over the top USA bikini.  The bikini might take much space.  Also, the summer is the time that many expats move on to a new location. Therefore, I am thinking about moving, boxes and clutter!

As a serial expat, I often have too many boxes as I move from place to place. I also find that sometimes I don’t need what was packed for my new location so a box might sit still all boxed up and then I move again. So one box has two (or three) packing labels containing the same items. Clutter?  Or lifetime memories?

Noah St. John has some great ideas on how we can declutter our lives.

I’ve always said that if I ever leave the personal growth industry and start another business, it would be in the self-storage business.

Why?

People are obsessed with buying stuff! And when there’s too much stuff in the house, they put the car outside and put the stuff in the garage. Then, when the garage is full, do they get rid of their stuff? No, they rent another storage unit! Some of you are laughing right now, and some of you are not, because it’s hitting too close to home. The point is, many of my clients have faced this problem; so if you’re facing this issue of overwhelming and clutter, you’re not alone.

The question is: WHY do we need to declutter in the first place?

Why don’t we just “let things be”? One of the main reasons it’s essential to declutter your life is that if you have clutter, it’s hard for something better to come in. For example, have you ever noticed that when you clear stuff out of your home or office space, you feel better?

Here are 5 simple ways to declutter your life

1. Don’t complain that you have to declutter your life. Instead, be grateful that you have something (a home, an office, a body, life) to keep clean in the first place.

2. Remember that to de-clutter your life is a continuous, not a one-time, act. One of my college professors was a practicing Buddhist monk. He would often remind us, “Half of life is cleaning.” That’s a good reminder for all of us.

3. Declutter your head trash. Think about the negative things you say to yourself regularly: “I’m too old to change… I’ve made too many mistakes… I probably can’t do it.” Remove those thoughts from your head just like you would remove the trash from your home.

4. If you’re stuck, bring in a professional. If you are stuck with decluttering your life, bring in someone to help you –for example, a professional organizer, business or life coach, even a friend who enjoys organizing things (yes, these people do exist!). There are plenty of resources to help you. Don’t feel like you have to do it alone.

5. Use Afformations. Afformations are empowering questions that help you declutter your brain. For example, you can afform -Why am I so good at organizing? or Why do I love being organized? Check out this website – www.afformationsbook.com

Does moving ever get easier? This is a common question I am asked by the global families I work with. Yes, it does. One move we made included two children under the age of four, a cat and a dog. My last international move included just my husband and my dog.  My repatriation move was just my husband and myself. Yes, moving does get easier!

Raja Simens 2014

Noah’s Note: When you clear the clutter, you make room for better things to come in. Noah St. John is famous for inventing Afformations®.  According to Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “Noah St. John’s work is about discovering within ourselves what we should have known all along – we are truly powerful beings with unlimited potential.”
 

Related blogs: Got my blanket: We are moving again talks about FIGT. I sit on the board of Families in Global Transition; it is an organization that global families should know.   Changing worlds: transitions of an expat family talks about the global professional lifestyle and our children who are born and raised amidst these mixed cultural encounters and settings.

 

The Significance of Food and the Expat Child


speg ohs
jsimens.com

Obviously, this depends on your circumstances, but in most cases, you have made the choice to move your family to another country, and even if you didn’t, you are likely to see the move as being a positive experience in your child’s life.

It’s enriching to let them experience the native culture, but what about keeping them aware of their roots too?

Food is a powerful tool in this area, take a look at the significance it can have on your child’s life at home, school, and at friend’s houses, Don’t forget the importance of food at parties and holidays.

With the July 4th holiday coming up, I have had the joy of food shopping in the USA! To many people,  I am sure this is not a fun event but for someone living on Borneo, it is an emotional event.  I pour over the “Triscuit” isle.  Should I get the Original box or the Rosemary & Olive Oil: Inspired by Italy, shaped like Colorado since we just drove in from Colorado?  Or wait – should I try the new Triscuits-  Brown Rice baked with Sweet Potato and Roasted Sweet Onion? And this is only one of many purchases I must make today to fill up our pantry and refrigerator for the upcoming holiday. Imagine what happens when I hit the beer and wine department!

Food and Family Rituals

Baby fireworks and marshmallows

My family has a series of rituals that we love. Some are tied to holidays, birthdays, and special events, but some are just around because of their longevity and fun. When your children are expatriates, often parents look for things that might connect their child to their “home”.  Many rituals will be based around food.

We make S’mores on the July 4th holiday.  They are a favorite campsite treat for young and old. They are sticky and gooey and loaded with sugar and carbohydrates.

(more…)

Best Friends vs. Summer Friends – What Works Best for the Expat Child


hello goodbyeExpats . . . We hit the airport. We travel long distances to get back to “home” and we continually think about our kid’s friends. Do they need more? Do they need different ones?

Some expats pack up and move during the summer so they can get ready for a new location, a new school, and a new life. That summer means new friends. Due to the movement in International Schools, this means at some point; this child will seem friendless or so sad when their ‘best friend’ moves on. It might be your child that is left behind. Summer time can be hard on kids in transition. They might already be worrying about what is going to happen when they go back to school, and their best friend is gone.

 

School Friends

Each child needs to feel connected and involved with other children. This is often through a common interest, gymnastics, after school activities, sleepovers, etc. This does not mean that during the school day that they need to be only connected to their best friend. In fact, parents and teachers will ask them to find other friends or to branch out their social connections.

It is important for a child to have a connection or a best buddy to help them through transition times. It is nice to see a familiar face when you have the first day of school. Or it is nice to be with a few friends when you move from elementary school to middle school. There are times that a connection is a critical part of a child’s life. These connections are often missing in the expat child’s life due to frequently moves.

But We Can Have Problems with Friends

The biggest pitfall is when your child’s  friend limits your child from making new friends.  Or does not let him/her make friends that might open their choices or focus on new things to do. It is hard for a child to form an interest in a new sport or new musical instrument if they never hear or see a peer involved in the activity. Kids learn by seeing others do it. If you have a reluctant reader do you just want them to be with other kids who love to play outside all the time or do you want them also to have a friend that loves to read and will get them into trying new books.

Understanding Relationships

I feel it is important for children to have close connections to their family as well as friends. To shape these vital close relationships, you need to understand the way healthy relationships develop. I have a master’s in clinical psychology and work with a focus on family therapy with our international population. I often educate parents on ‘Neufeld Six Stages of Attachment ‘.

1. The most primitive and primary stage of attachment is PROXIMITY. Through touch, contact, and closeness, the infant begins attaching to his or her parents.

2. Secondly, toddlers seek SAMENESS with their parents, mimicking their mannerisms or dress, and looking for ways to be the same as their parents.

3. The third stage is BELONGING or LOYALTY. Often three-year-olds will be very possessive and say “my mommy or my daddy.”

4. Four-year-olds seek reassurance of the strength of their attachment to parents by wanting evidence of their SIGNIFICANCE. This is the fourth stage.

5. The fifth stage develops around the age of five when we see the beginnings of genuine LOVE as attachment goes deeper and deeper.

6. And finally, the sixth stage. From age six onward, if the attachment roots have gone deeply enough, we have a child who allows him or herself to venture out into BEING KNOWN.

This creates the foundation for virtually every relationship your child will ever have, beginning with parents, and later with siblings, friends, and intimate partners. This attachment is the cornerstone of parenting. It can help with keeping your child on track academically, managing challenging behavior, and maintaining the all-important role of being the one they turn to for advice and support.

But Sadly – 

Parents often put more of a focus on their child’s friends than they do on their own parent/child connection. They take it for granted that because they are the parent this parent/child connection will be strong and secure.

goodbyeI feel that a child to child friendship is vital, but they are also very ‘natural.’ If children are given some freedom with the day, they will find friends and enjoy doing things together.

If a child has too much structure and no free time, finding and keeping friends becomes the job of the parents, and it tends not to be natural and therefore not a very strong connection for the children.

Summer Friends

This is the time that kids can foster fun friendships and learn how a relationship webs and flows. It is important that parents allow down time, free time and fun time for their kids during the summer. Let them seek out older friends or younger friends. Let them play. Let them make a great connection. Even if you know, it is just a summer thing. Each and every friendship we make and let go of helps us as global people to grow.

 

Notes:

Photo – #1 Quotes About New Love Interest Quotes – Quotes Likewww.quoteslike.com500 × 692

#2 Chameleon Kids

 

Blowing a “First Impression”? Tips for Expat Kids


Birth wrist bands hospitals 1957First impressions are incredibly powerful.

They can be nearly impossible to reverse. But it’s not entirely hopeless: Knowing how snap judgments work can give you a better sense of what kind of one you’re making.

Born in Kansas in the 1950’s, our hospital gave each baby their name wrist tag with their last name on it.  This was my first impression – wearing my name proudly. (I am unsure of the safety standards attached to this practice.)

Can we really judge a book by its cover?  Our brains take in a huge number of verbal and non-verbal cues almost instantaneously when we see someone. Even if we only see their photo! These powerful impressions that are often as accurate as the impressions we form over longer periods of time. What does this mean to an Expat child who underneath is not the same as his or her outer appearance?

There is a lot more to me than first impressions!

There is a lot more to me than first impressions!

Tip of the iceberg

Fail (2001) described global nomads ‘rather like an iceberg- what is hidden is much larger than what is seen on the surface. The international features of the lives of those who responded revealed how multilingual, well traveled and cross-culturally experienced they are but do not necessarily expose what is going on under the surface’. So how can an expat child show who they really are?

When my daughter went to college in the USA, she looked like an American. For those that knew her – knew she was born in Australia, lived in Indonesia and Nigeria for elementary school and Switzerland for high school. The tip of her iceberg appeared to be an American from the USA, but she had only spent a few weeks each summer in the USA. She was multilingual, well traveled and cross-culturally different than many of her classmates at the University.

Expats need to know about first impressions and how to make a good one.

2006 Princeton University study found that it takes just one-tenth of a second to make judgments about a person based on their facial appearance. Judgments — on measures of attractiveness, likeability, trustworthiness, competence, and aggressiveness — made within this span of time were not significantly different than those made without time constraints. In fact, confidence for some judgments actually decreased with greater exposure time.

With the amount of time Expats spend having and creating first impressions, this should be something we talk about to our kids. Imagine one-tenth of a second when you are in a crowded airport, one-tenth of a second as you enter your new school, one-tenth of a second as you meet your new neighbors.

Trust - How do you view it?

The researchers found that attractiveness and trustworthiness are the qualities we judge most quickly.

As a global family, how important is the trustworthiness in your family? How can you model this, so your child really understands what it looks like or feels like? How can you get a feeling of trustworthiness show in your face or manners?

First impressions are so powerful that they can trump prior knowledge, research has found.  A recent study found that when told a person’s sexual orientation, participants still identified whether a subject was gay or straight based on their first impression of how that person looked. While making quick first impressions is a natural cognitive response, these sorts of snap judgments lead to stereotyping.

“We judge books by their covers, and we can’t help but do it,” researcher Nicholas Rule of the University of Toronto said in a statement. “With effort, we can overcome this to some extent.” It is not easy.

Initial Perceptions – Posture and Voice Tone are Important        

A 2009 study published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that both clothing style and posture played a role in initial perceptions. The tone and tenor of your voice also play a significant role in determining what kind of first impression you make on others.

Often expat children are dealing with a second or a third language and perhaps they are shy about their language ability in their non-native tongue. How does your child project his or her voice in the new language? They might not have mastered the new language yet, but they can master the non-language image of ‘posture’. Have you worked on your child’s knowledge of how important posture is in first impressions?

Did you know that your tone of voice is what people use to judge trustworthiness, aggressiveness, and warmth?

“Psychologists have confirmed that people do make snap judgments when they hear someone’s voice,” Drew Rendall, a psychologist at the University of Lethbridge, told Science Mag. “And the judgments are made on very slim evidence.”

Have you ever talked to your expat child about a ‘snap judgment’ you’ve done and how wrong you were? Children need to learn about these judgments so they can better understand how they might be misunderstood.

Expats often have to make first impressions online.

A series of University of British Columbia studies found that first impressions are formed differently in person versus online or by video. The research found that in-person and video impressions were similarly accurate in judging various personality measures such as extraversion and likeability. However, passive video-based impressions were overwhelmingly more negative than impressions made based on meeting in-person. Another study found that first impressions made based on Facebook photos were as accurate as in-person impressions, but they tended to be substantially more negative.

“If you want to make a good impression, it is critical that it is done in person,”University of British Columbia psychologist Jeremy Biesanz said in a statement. “More passive impressions are substantially more negative.”

Expat parenting is about teaching and modeling.

As parents of global nomads, we must think how we can model ‘first impressions’ so our children not only understand the concept but see us in action. When you know you will be meeting new people share this with your kids:

  1. Today we will meet the new family next door, first impressions are important.
  2. When we go over to meet them, I am going to make sure I look each family member in the eyes and firmly shake their hands. Since their one child is only four, I will not expect her to shake my hand, but I will want to make eye and hand contact with everyone else in the family.
  3. I want my voice to seem warm and inviting. This will help them feel like they can trust me.
  4. I will want to make sure they know they can come over to ask questions or borrow something if it will help their family.

Then ask your child, “What will you do to help them feel like they can trust you?”  or “What voice will you use when you talk to them?” “What will your posture look like when you approach the new family?”

When you have been in a situation where your family has had a new ‘first impression’ debrief it after the family leaves. Ask your children, “Did the new person attempt to make eye contact with you?” Or, “What did his tone of voice make you feel?”  Or, “Did his handshake make you feel good?”  Anytime you can debrief a social interaction with your child, he or she benefits from your knowledge.

So many times as parents we miss true teaching moments!

Note:

Many thanks to Carolyn Gregoire

Related blog post- Making judgments

Three day weekend – Gaps between our values and our actions


 

unspoken wordsThe experiences in the early years of a child’s life profoundly impact them for the rest of their life. Having a close connection to a parent allows a child to reach their potential. Many parents let situation after situation happen in their family without using it to ‘grow’ a better relationship. Their actions do not fit their values.

 

How will you spend your three-day weekend?

Will your actions fit your values? Will you connect with your family or make a faulty connection? The types of faulty connections often continues in a family as the child ages. The strongest deterrent to high-risk teenage behavior is a strong emotional connection between your child and yourself. Healthy relationships create resilience to dangerous acting out behavior, but some parents can’t seem to understand how to connect with their teenager.

To forge that vital close connection to your child, you need to know the way healthy relationships develop. Attachment creates the foundation for virtually every relationship your child will ever have, beginning with parents, and later with siblings, friends, and intimate partners. This attachment is the cornerstone of parenting. It can help with keeping your child on track academically, managing challenging behavior and maintaining the all-important role of being the one they turn to for advice and support.

The most primitive and primary stage of attachment is proximity.

Through touch, contact, and closeness, the infant begins attaching to their parents. Research data supports the notion that young children feel most comfortable in an environment approximating that before birth. One dominant stimulus in the prenatal environment is the constant rhythmical beat of the mother’s heart. But often, as our children get older we forget the benefits that proximity gives to the role of parenting. The Parent- Child connection is greatly enhanced by gentle proximity.

Keys to proximity includes:

  • Sitting with your child on your left side – closer to your heart beat.
  • Sharing the warmth – is comforting for children but this is often neglected by parents as their child gets older.
  • Slight movements (stimulation) or rocking might be helpful.
  • Skin to skin contact – massage of shoulders or temples help with close connections.

Proximity must be built into the first stage of a secure connection. Parents often take the easy way out and talk to their child as they come into a room or even talk from one room across to another room. Some parents call out as soon as they get home from work and the child responds through a closed door, and yet, both parent and child feel this is communicating.

Imagine the power a regular intimate conversation would have on your child.

The number one overlooked situation for good parenting practices is being close enough to the child that they can hear your breathing, smell you and see that you are non-threatening. If you sit down or lie down side by side with your child, they can miss the ‘uncomfortable eye to eye territory” where a child might feel judged.

Placing yourself on an even playing field such as both sitting on the floor, or both lying on the carpet, where a parent is not taller or where the parent is not in the position of authority since they are so much bigger causes a child to relax and be more comfortable. If you can match your breathing to the rhythm of your child’s breathing, your child will feel safer. Being in this close area of proximity to each other usually keeps your voices at a more acceptable and comfortable level so more will be accomplished in understanding each other, compromising or negotiating what needs to happen. Children can be more honest when they don’t feel threatened.

Start with small steps!

If you do not have a relationship with your child, you will need to start in small steps, so it does not seem so demanding. Many families start developing a gentle proximity of four feet. Be in the same room, sit on the same couch but don’t press for conversations. A clear connection is usually not apparent until you’re within a few inches of each other but any starting place is better than giving up on the relationship.

Expat family with staff

A 4-year old view of his Expat family with staff drawn in pencil 

Many cultures raise their children in extended village families, where the babies are always ‘attached’ to someone, giving them security. This is not the case in many of our families. Some families even have caregivers who are interchangeable due to the family moving or the need for day care while a parent works. We owe it to our children to reconnect with them so we can make the most out of our relationships. Although the attachment relationship is universal, our parenting beliefs and practices do differ around the world.

Attachment methods are those responses that parents use to develop a deep and lasting connection with their child. There are an increasing number and diversity of these practices with all the movement of people around the world.

Attachment influences early brain development, which has an impact on a child’s lifelong abilities to regulate thinking, feelings and behavior. When you invite a child to be in your company, you’re promoting proximity. This most basic invitation to be near your child – whether it is a cuddle, playing a game or sharing a reading book together sends the message to your child that you want to be close and connected.

There is only one ideal way to work in close collaboration with your children – you have to get physically close to them. They need to hear you without you being too loud or demanding, so you need to lean in towards them and speak gently. Sometimes just sitting side by side without words can be very powerful. You need to be close enough that your child can feel your presence. This is a ‘comfort’ for many young children. It can also mean love for a teenager even if at times they appear not to want you close.

As a Parent – Rethink eye contact and pre-censoring

eye contactMany times it is important to avoid eye contact because our children are very good at reading our faces and our emotions. As, parents, you owe it to your children to give them honest verbal and nonverbal communication about your own feelings.

You also have to be careful that you do not pre-censor any activity or event that your child might enjoy or grow from with your facial responses when your child is telling you about them. In seconds, you can change how your child feels about an event, new toy, or new friend. This is particularly the case of anything that puts us out of our comfort zone or into our dislikes. In schools, a common concern is how a parent views his/her child’s new teacher. If the parent is not supportive or positive about the teacher, the child will quickly stop investing as much energy in learning.

Violence is closely associated with deprivation of close human physical contact either in infancy or adolescence, according to the neuropsychologist, James Prescott. Close proximity and contact define attachment behaviors in children.

Get close to your kids. The mixture of cardiovascular, gastrointestinal, and respiratory and other physiological sounds as well as movements have been found to have a calming effect on one person to another. All over the world, parents know that a combination of touch, movement, and speech calms an upset child. Research has proven that verbal empathy alone was ineffective as a soothing strategy, but if verbal empathy is combined with close physical contact, the soothing strategy is paramount in the emotional support a human feels.

Make the experiences in your child’s life impact them and have valid meaning for the rest of their life, get close!

Grangy Avery

In loving memory of one of the best Huggers in the world – My Grangy!  Edna Hawley Avery in Russell Springs, Kansas with my family. In this photo, Jackie is the oldest grand-daughter, followed by Jeff, then Jill and baby Julia.

 

 

The Moving With Kids Summit


Two weeks, 15 experts and everything you need to know about parenting on an international scale

So excited to be part of this group of experts!

 

 

 

Out of the vault: http://www.theexpatlifeline.com/summit/   Rachel Yates over at the Expat Lifeline helps expats make life simple, safe and sane. If you don’t know the work Rachel does, please check out her website. It is powerful to get help before you need help especially when you are moving your family abroad.

From June 1st – 14th, join The Expat Life Line for a  free online summit, bringing together some of the most inspiring, engaging and expert voices in the world of cross-cultural parenting.

Notes:  ME!  Julia Simens and all the other experts:

Rachel Yates – Ruth van Reken –  Maryam Afnan Ahmad – Lois Bushong – Tracey Ellis – Tina Quick – Dr. Jill Kristal – Karen Wilmot – Christine Gilbert – Katie Holloran – Elizabeth Sawyer – Rita Rosenback – Lucy Greenwood – Lisa Ferland

  • June 1st: What is a TCK anyway? With Ruth van Reken
  • June 2nd: Pregnancy and Birth Abroad – the Professional Perspective with Karen Wilmot
  • June 3rd: Pregnancy, Birth, and New Parenthood Overseas – Personal Stories with Lisa Ferland
  • June 4th: Tools  & Techniques for Transitioning Toddlers & Pre-Schoolers with Dr. Jill Kristal
  • June 5th: How to Use Play to Help Your Children Adapt with Maryam Afnan Ahmad
  • June 6th: Supporting Success in School with Julia Simens
  • June 7th: How to Find the Right School with Elizabeth Sawyer
  • June 8th: It’s Tricky… Supporting Teens in Transition with Ellen Mahoney
  • June 9th: Smoothing, Supporting & Surviving College Transitions / Dealing with Grief with Tina Quick (2 webinars)
  • June 10th: How to Raise Bilingual Kids with Rita Rosenback
  • June 11th: Finding and Integrating Learning Support Overseas with Tracey Ellis & Katie Holloran
  • June 12th: Successful Emotional and Behavioural Support Abroad with Tracey Ellis & Katie Holloran
  • June 13th: Coping After Crisis with Lois Bushong
  • June 14th: Essential Family Law with Lucy Greenwood
  • June 15th: Moving with Kids: My Journey to Almost Fearless with Christine Gilbert

15,242,400: Wow, that’s a lot of moments so dear!


Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose”, wise words from Fred Savage. He played Kevin Arnold in The Wonder Years. Memories are what bind families together around the world. Memories shared are quality time spent with family. Memories are often all we have of past times.

Resilience – one of the most common thread is the quality of time spent with family

Simens Wedding
Simens Wedding

Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear

How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights – in sunsets – In midnights – in cups of coffee – In inches – in miles – In laughter

How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love? – Measure in love – Seasons of love

 

I am usually not one to talk much about my personal romances. Some things are private even if you blog about “home life” and “parenting“.

My first kiss was…

My first love was …

At times, it is hard to remember since Kevin has been the love of my life for 29 years!

At one time I did have a boyfriend younger than I was…

At one time I did date a basketball player …

I remember my first kiss with Kevin…

And I remember the last one…

You will see the reasons for my questions if you watch this film. I love the rainbow in the short movie.  Briand’s Apricot evokes forgotten memories. This film is a film for the Dreamers, a film for the romantics and a film for film lovers.

 

 

Today we are celebrating our 29th Wedding Anniversary. We had spent 15,242,400 minutes in love (not counting the three months we were engaged and the few shorts weeks before that when we met) There are so many things I remember about the last 29 years.

A visible record will provide some perspective

I could say our marriage has been a little rocky (that’s not the right word).

It has been a little stoney (still not correct).

OK, it has been a gem!

A few things stand out –

When we first decided we would start a ‘global life,’ Kevin wanted to give me a gift to symbolize our move from the USA to Singapore.  Of course, he bought me a lovely gem!  Little did he know that this simple tradition would slowly grow into a beautiful collection with so many International moves under our belts.  I am a firm believer that family traditions are a must for all families but vital for mobile households!  These types of rituals don’t have to be big or expensive – it is the simple traditions that keep a family strong.

When we made our first move from the USA overseas. We jointly made the long inventory list. We packed up multiple suitcases. We stuffed the air shipment full. We moved. We unpacked together and went shopping for our new home together. The last international move, I  updated the inventory. I left and went to the USA for the summer holiday.  Later that year, we packed up our home in Bangkok and got it ready to head to Balikpapan.

That last international move from Bangkok to Balikpapan – Kevin sent the air shipment off to our son’s college. Kevin unpacked our home in Balikpapan. Kevin then meet me in the USA where I was still on vacation.

It is important that global families are flexible with what works best for them at that moment in time.

When we retired we packed up our expat life together and headed to the USA. We would not be returning to work. We are starting a new life of not “working”. I was excited.

When we first moved overseas, we went as a family of two. We had long walks together, fun dinners with lively conversations and many talks about the upcoming trips we would be doing.  Two children later and 18 years with kids in elementary and high school, we are once again alone. When we left Borneo, we were a family of two.

Today we are enjoying long walks together, fun dinners and many talks about planning family vacations. This afternoon we will jump on a paddle wheeler and cruise around Emerald Bay. We will cruise around Fannette Island, the only island in Lake Tahoe. We will look at Vikingsholm, an excellent example of Scandinavian architecture which is a 38-room mansion.

It is important that the adults in the family remain close, so the children benefit from the quality of time spent with family.

It had been a great 29 years!

 

Notes:

For those family members that flew to the San Francisco Bay area for our wedding, it was on May 2nd.  We are lucky enough to spend our 25th with about 25 of our best friends in Bangkok.  The only thing missing was our family!

Last year I was home alone in Balikpapan with Kevin on his way “home” to see me after a company golf tournament. We celebrated our anniversary one day late in Balikpapan but just in time for the USA. This year we had the champagne chilled, headed out to Lake Tahoe and took tons of photos to lock in this memory and share it with our family.

Notes: Movie – APRICOT -A Short Film by Ben Briand
by Moonwalk Films
Winner: Community Choice Award
Voted Best Narrative on Vimeo by its users

Olympic Torch Run with Julia Simens: Common Expat Mistakes


From the Vault: Building interest in the Olympics

You have got to love International Schools field trips!

You have got to love International Schools field trips! AISL -Nigeria to Greece – so much learned.

The Olympic torch has been lit in southern Greece, kicking off the countdown to Rio 2016. Grant and I were lucky enough to visit the site of Ancient Olympia. The Games were first held there in 776BC and remained there for 12 centuries.

This week, the flaming torch, which has a Twitter account, was handed to its first torchbearer, gold medal-winning Greek gymnast Eleftherios Petrounias, before beginning its six-day relay across the country.

My version of being involved in the Olympic torch relay several years ago is not as glamourous of this event in  Greece was where women in ancient-Greek-style dresses and men in tunics performed the symbolic rituals of cutting the olive branch and releasing a white dove into the blue spring sky, both symbolizing peace.

It all started out as an interesting thing to do. 

Just two American’s going to see the Olympic torch run through the streets of Bangkok.

First, the warning in the local paper…titled-”You’ll be playing with fire”.

Bangkok police stated protesters disrupting the Olympic-torch relay will be arrested immediately and prosecuted for public disturbance. Foreigners will be expelled and banned from returning. Those with residency will have it revoked permanently.

Still Kevin and I wanted to see something we had never seen before.

Flags in Bangkok

Flags in Bangkok

Then, the notice that 2,000 law-enforcement officers will be on duty and that “Bangkok has prepared everything to ensure the smoothness of the ceremony. It even showed two police officers assigned to protect the Olympic torch study a handbook on running.  I didn’t even know there was a “Handbook on running.”  I wondered if I needed a copy but decided we would just be on the sidelines and not running with the torch.

The day arrived, and Kevin and I headed out to the course which had been layout in the Bangkok Post. We decided not to be at the beginning of the race since it was starting at the Chinese Gates and we knew this would be an area hard to get our car in and out.  We opted to stop near the Democracy Monument.  Our Driver, Somchai found a parking spot near a temple.  This was ideal; we could buy cold local beer and even pay the 20 baht fee to get into the temple to use a bathroom if we needed.

Perhaps we should have paid more attention to what we were planning to do, what we were wearing and even perhaps who we should be going with to this event.  I thought nothing of putting on my made in Italy eyeglasses and a green top.  Of course, the matching green Capri pants would allow me some “coolness” as well as the ability to sit on a curb.  Kevin grabbed his new green Roatan shirt with the cute turtle logo and put on his dark shades.  At the last minute, I grabbed a light umbrella to keep the direct heat off of us.

Wearing green on Saturday in Thailand is often seen as unlucky. Why didn’t I remember that?  I was always good at wearing yellow on Mondays.

We scanned the crowded street and found a wide open area where most of the people were already lined up on the shaded side of the race route.  We were well prepared, so we opted for the less crowded sunny side.  As I settled into the curb area, Kevin grabbed two cold “Leo” beers.  A local cheap, almost impossible beer to drink but ideal when the temperature is approximately 100 degrees and the humidity is high. I noticed that we were the only non-Thai or non-Chinese people on the street.

Beer runs -Tropics – Temples – is this a good idea?

The race was slow in starting, so this required another beer run. All in all, that was not a bad idea.  Leaving me on the curb with a small plastic bag full of empty cans might have been just too much.  When Kevin returned, he wondered why this Thai man had decided to take up a spot on my right shoulder when the area around us was still almost empty. I wondered also and drank my beer.

Then, the people across the street started to get excited, one of them had a phone that informed him that the race had begun.  Kevin and I moved to our left about two steps to get a good clear view of the soon to be torch sprinter. The Thai gentleman stepped with us. Strange.  The racer was moving closer, flashing police cars were coming ahead of the parade.  The sponsor’s floats were soon in front of us.  I moved back this time to get a photo of the float. Strange, the man moved back with me two steps.  No matter where I tried to get a clear and clean picture, I had this man’s arm or head in my camera shot.

 

So instead of trying to “Not get him”. I focused my camera more on the view of him, forgetting the floats in front of me.  As I slowly click away on my digital camera, I finally focused on his cell phone and the small red words on it.  I zoomed in and slowly the words came into focus . . . p.o.l.i.c.e.  Yes, finally for the first time in my life (to my knowledge) I was pegged as a “concern”.  I had my own police guard.

My Dancing Partner on the Streets of Bangkok

My Dancing Partner on the Streets of Bangkok

Kevin was still unsure why this man was keen always to be between my camera and the race causing me not to see the race. Kevin was starting to get annoyed.  It must have looked to him like this nice Thai man was almost engaging in a silent dance with me, two step left, one step back, one step left, two steps right.  But it was not the time to ask any questions; the racer was almost directly in front of us.

That's it - my best attempt of being involved in the Olymipc torch run!

That’s it – my best attempt of being involved in the Olympic torch run!

The crowd went wild.  I got my camera up and ready to shoot. But a flag was in the way, a security runner was in the way, the Thai man on the street was in the way.  But I saw the man dressed in white running clothes with the torch.  He was just a few steps away, jogging, I would say not running.  I tried one last time to get a photo to share with you all but once again; I got a nice shot of this Thai gentleman in the crowd. Yes, another photo of my own Undercover Thai Cop.

Highlighting the plight of refugees in 2016 

This year one of the runners will be a Syrian refugee, who will carry the torch through the Eleonas refugee camp in central Athens — part of a conscious effort by the International Olympics Committee to highlight the plight of refugees around the world. For the first time in history, a team of five-12 refugee athletes from multiple countries will be competing in this year’s Games. They will march behind the Olympic flag at the opening ceremony in Rio.

Thai police trained to run

Thai police trained to run with the torch.

Comments off